What is a wake

Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences we face, and in times of grief, it can be hard to know what steps to take when it comes to planning or attending a farewell. One important tradition that many families find comforting is the wake — a gathering to remember, honour, and celebrate the life of the person who has passed away.

In this guide, we’ll walk you through the details of a wake, answering some of the most common questions you might have. Whether you are arranging a wake or simply attending one, understanding its purpose and what to expect can help bring a sense of comfort and clarity during such an emotional time.

What’s the difference between a wake and a funeral?

A wake is a gathering of family and friends to remember and celebrate the life of a loved one who has passed away. It’s typically held before or after the funeral service, though some people choose to have a wake on its own.

The tone of a wake can range from sombre and reflective to more informal and celebratory, depending on the preferences of the family and the personality of the person being honoured.

The wake itself provides a supportive environment for sharing memories, offering condolences, and coming together as a community during a time of grief.

On the other hand, a funeral is a more formal service with structured rituals, often involving a religious or cultural component, where loved ones pay their final respects. While funerals are typically solemn, wakes can provide an opportunity to celebrate the person’s life in a more informal setting, with stories, photographs, and sometimes even music or food.

What happens at a wake?

Wakes can vary depending on the family’s preferences and cultural traditions, but typically, they include:

  • Sharing memories
    Guests gather to talk about their experiences with the person who has passed, often recounting favourite memories or anecdotes.
  • Viewing of the body (optional)
    Some wakes include an open or closed casket viewing, giving mourners a chance to say their final goodbyes.
  • Refreshments
    Light refreshments or a meal are usually served, giving guests time to relax, reflect, and support one another.
  • Displays of memories
    Photographs, videos, or mementos of the person’s life may be displayed as a way to celebrate and remember their legacy.

Family

What do you wear to a wake?

Family

The dress code for a wake is usually more casual than the dress code for a funeral, but is still respectful. Dark or muted colours are generally appropriate, but this may vary depending on the wishes of the family. Some families may request brighter colours to reflect a more positive or celebratory mood.

It’s always a good idea to dress conservatively and modestly, avoiding anything too casual like jeans or sportswear unless you know the family prefers a more relaxed atmosphere.

Do you have to have a wake after a funeral?

No, you don’t have to have a wake after a funeral — having a wake is a personal choice. Some families choose to have a wake, while others may opt for a simple funeral service without a wake. It can be a comforting way to bring people together, but if the family prefers a more private grieving process, they may choose to skip it entirely.

Who should attend the wake?

A wake is typically open to all family, friends, and anyone who knew or was close to the person who passed away. However, in some cases, wakes are more intimate and invite-only. If you’re unsure whether to attend, it’s a good idea to check with the family or consult the obituary, which may include details about the wake’s location and who is invited.

Do guests attend the wake and the funeral?

In most cases, guests are welcome to attend both the wake and the funeral, but it’s not required. Some people choose to attend only one or the other based on their personal connection to the deceased or their own availability.

Sometimes, the capacity of the crematorium may not allow for as many attendees as the family would like. Therefore, the wake is an opportunity to bring everyone together to celebrate the life of the deceased, and provide support to one another.

The wake often provides a less formal setting, so if someone cannot attend the funeral, the wake can be an opportunity to pay their respects.

Family

How long does a wake last?

The length of a wake can vary depending on the family’s preferences. Some may last just a couple of hours, while others may span the entire afternoon or evening. There’s usually no strict timeframe, and guests typically come and go as they please, allowing for a flexible and informal gathering.

What should guests bring to a wake?

Family

Bringing something to a wake is not necessary, but if you wish to offer a gesture of support, common items include:

  • Sympathy cards: A heartfelt note can offer comfort to the family.
  • Flowers: A traditional way to show sympathy and offer respect.
  • Food: Some families appreciate guests bringing food to share, especially if the wake is at a home. Check with the family first to see if this would be welcome.

Remember, the most important thing you can bring to a wake is your presence and support.

How to arrange a wake

Arranging a wake can feel overwhelming, especially during an emotional time, but it doesn’t need to be complicated. Here are some key steps:

  1. Choose a location:
    A wake can be held at home, in a community hall, or at a funeral venue. Choose a space that can accommodate your guest list comfortably.
  2. Decide on the tone:
    Will it be a quiet, reflective gathering or more of a celebration of life? Communicate this tone to your guests.
  3. Organise refreshments:
    You may want to provide food and drinks, which can range from a simple tea and biscuits to a catered meal.
  4. Prepare a memory display:
    Consider putting together photos, videos, or keepsakes that celebrate your loved one’s life.
  5. Notify guests:
    Share the details of the wake with friends and family, either through an obituary, social media, or personal invitations.

Family

A heartfelt send-off needn’t break the bank

A wake is more than just a gathering—it’s an opportunity for friends and family to come together, offer support, and share cherished memories of a loved one. Whether you choose to host or attend a wake, it can provide comfort, connection, and a way to celebrate the life of the person who has passed away.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to memorialise a loved one. The most important thing is creating a meaningful space where people can find solace and strength in each other’s presence. If you're navigating these difficult decisions for a loved one’s or your own end of life and need guidance, we're here to help you every step of the way.

Direct cremation is a flexible and fuss-free way to make sure that your loved one receives a dignified, meaningful send-off, at a more affordable price. If your loved one has passed away, or is in the final stages of life, our team here at Distinct Cremations is here 24/7 to assist you in arranging a funeral.

If you're considering cremation or need guidance with direct cremation services, visit our homepage to explore how we can help you create a simple, dignified farewell for your loved one.

Planning ahead?

For those looking to plan their own funeral and ease the burden on their family, we offer a range of flexible funeral plans. Explore our funeral plans page to find out more. Planning ahead gives peace of mind, knowing that everything is taken care of in advance.

Each of our straightforward funeral plans includes:

  • Collection by private ambulance and preparation for cremation at our modern mortuary facilities
  • Essential funeral director services, including assistance with all legal and cremation paperwork
  • A coffin and a respectful cremation at one of our own crematoriums
  • Ashes returned to the family within 14 days or respectfully scattered at the crematorium

Direct Cremation Plan

From £1,899

Celebrate a life without the restrictions of a funeral

Simple, dignified and our cheapest funeral plan
No formal service or attendees present

Funeral Service Plan

From £2,399

For friends and family to pay respects

A choice between a 30 or a 60 minute service
A choice between a family led or celebrant led service

Other helpful resources

Discover a wealth of helpful articles, checklists and funeral guidance from our experts, to support you through a difficult time.

Arranging a funeral: step-by-step guidance

Family leaving funeral together

Arranging a funeral during an already difficult time can be challenging. If you do have to arrange a funeral, knowing what to do and how to handle things can make a big difference.

Arranging a funeral

Organising a memorial service or wake

Group toasting a friend's memory

This guide will help you learn about memorial services and wakes, and take you through the steps of planning to ensure a heartfelt and memorable farewell.

Organising a memorial service

Remembering a loved one

Two women on a sofa looking at old photographs in a photo album together to remember their deceased loved one

We offer guidance on arranging a memorial service, memorial tributes, what to do with the ashes, along with help understanding terminology and the steps to take when someone dies.

Remembering a loved one

What our customers say about us

We offer the highest level of support, but don't just take our word for it. Below are recent reviews from customers who bought a funeral with us.

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Anonymous, on Feefo 18 Apr 2025
Really lovely helpful lady called Sarah
Catherine Diane Lees, on Feefo 17 Apr 2025
My Mam had purchased an unattended cremation plan and I had to deal with Distinct Cremations as her daughter and next of kin. They provided an excellent service, kept me informed at every stage. They were very compassionate and understanding at this challenging time and always offered any support I may have needed. The people I had contact with over the phone and the people who delivered Mams ashes back to me were very professional.
Anonymous, on Feefo 16 Apr 2025
Distinct Cremation provided a flawless service for my late mother’s cremation, handled with kindness and sensitivity. They made the whole process so easy at what was a difficult and sad time for the family. My mother would have been so pleased to know the decision she made to use Distinct Cremation was a very good one.
Anonymous, on Feefo 16 Apr 2025
Good service and helpful not rush into it
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Excellent service from start to finish. Everyone I spoke to in person or on the telephone were so kind considerate and helpful. Highly recommended
Robert Evans Johnston, on Feefo 15 Apr 2025
The lady I spoke to was excellent and answered all the questions I had and put me at ease.
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Pamela Osborne, on Feefo 14 Apr 2025
I felt I was dealt with in a caring and respectful manner everything explained beautifully and what a lovely crematorium again with lovely staff made what was a very sad time into something gentle and peaceful with no worries would recommend this service to anyone
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