Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences we face, and in times of grief, it can be hard to know what steps to take when it comes to planning or attending a farewell. One important tradition that many families find comforting is the wake — a gathering to remember, honour, and celebrate the life of the person who has passed away.
In this guide, we’ll walk you through the details of a wake, answering some of the most common questions you might have. Whether you are arranging a wake or simply attending one, understanding its purpose and what to expect can help bring a sense of comfort and clarity during such an emotional time.
A wake is a gathering of family and friends to remember and celebrate the life of a loved one who has passed away. It’s typically held before or after the funeral service, though some people choose to have a wake on its own.
The tone of a wake can range from sombre and reflective to more informal and celebratory, depending on the preferences of the family and the personality of the person being honoured.
The wake itself provides a supportive environment for sharing memories, offering condolences, and coming together as a community during a time of grief.
On the other hand, a funeral is a more formal service with structured rituals, often involving a religious or cultural component, where loved ones pay their final respects. While funerals are typically solemn, wakes can provide an opportunity to celebrate the person’s life in a more informal setting, with stories, photographs, and sometimes even music or food.
Wakes can vary depending on the family’s preferences and cultural traditions, but typically, they include:
The dress code for a wake is usually more casual than the dress code for a funeral, but is still respectful. Dark or muted colours are generally appropriate, but this may vary depending on the wishes of the family. Some families may request brighter colours to reflect a more positive or celebratory mood.
It’s always a good idea to dress conservatively and modestly, avoiding anything too casual like jeans or sportswear unless you know the family prefers a more relaxed atmosphere.
No, you don’t have to have a wake after a funeral — having a wake is a personal choice. Some families choose to have a wake, while others may opt for a simple funeral service without a wake. It can be a comforting way to bring people together, but if the family prefers a more private grieving process, they may choose to skip it entirely.
A wake is typically open to all family, friends, and anyone who knew or was close to the person who passed away. However, in some cases, wakes are more intimate and invite-only. If you’re unsure whether to attend, it’s a good idea to check with the family or consult the obituary, which may include details about the wake’s location and who is invited.
In most cases, guests are welcome to attend both the wake and the funeral, but it’s not required. Some people choose to attend only one or the other based on their personal connection to the deceased or their own availability.
Sometimes, the capacity of the crematorium may not allow for as many attendees as the family would like. Therefore, the wake is an opportunity to bring everyone together to celebrate the life of the deceased, and provide support to one another.
The wake often provides a less formal setting, so if someone cannot attend the funeral, the wake can be an opportunity to pay their respects.
The length of a wake can vary depending on the family’s preferences. Some may last just a couple of hours, while others may span the entire afternoon or evening. There’s usually no strict timeframe, and guests typically come and go as they please, allowing for a flexible and informal gathering.
Bringing something to a wake is not necessary, but if you wish to offer a gesture of support, common items include:
Remember, the most important thing you can bring to a wake is your presence and support.
Arranging a wake can feel overwhelming, especially during an emotional time, but it doesn’t need to be complicated. Here are some key steps:
A wake is more than just a gathering—it’s an opportunity for friends and family to come together, offer support, and share cherished memories of a loved one. Whether you choose to host or attend a wake, it can provide comfort, connection, and a way to celebrate the life of the person who has passed away.
Remember, there is no right or wrong way to memorialise a loved one. The most important thing is creating a meaningful space where people can find solace and strength in each other’s presence. If you're navigating these difficult decisions for a loved one’s or your own end of life and need guidance, we're here to help you every step of the way.
Direct cremation is a flexible and fuss-free way to make sure that your loved one receives a dignified, meaningful send-off, at a more affordable price. If your loved one has passed away, or is in the final stages of life, our team here at Distinct Cremations is here 24/7 to assist you in arranging a funeral.
If you're considering cremation or need guidance with direct cremation services, visit our homepage to explore how we can help you create a simple, dignified farewell for your loved one.
For those looking to plan their own funeral and ease the burden on their family, we offer a range of flexible funeral plans. Explore our funeral plans page to find out more. Planning ahead gives peace of mind, knowing that everything is taken care of in advance.
Each of our straightforward funeral plans includes:
Celebrate a life without the restrictions of a funeral
Simple, dignified and our cheapest funeral plan
No formal service or attendees present
For friends and family to pay respects
A choice between a 30 or a 60 minute service
A choice between a family led or celebrant led service
Discover a wealth of helpful articles, checklists and funeral guidance from our experts, to support you through a difficult time.
Arranging a funeral during an already difficult time can be challenging. If you do have to arrange a funeral, knowing what to do and how to handle things can make a big difference.
Arranging a funeral
This guide will help you learn about memorial services and wakes, and take you through the steps of planning to ensure a heartfelt and memorable farewell.
Organising a memorial service
We offer guidance on arranging a memorial service, memorial tributes, what to do with the ashes, along with help understanding terminology and the steps to take when someone dies.
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