There is no experience like preparing for the death of a loved one, but it's an experience most of us will go through in our lives. Though it's a time of sorrow and sadness, there are things you can do to make things that little more comfortable.
It can be an overwhelming time when a loved one nears the end of their life. We of course have a desire to be near our loved one to help them feel as comfortable as possible, but we also have to spend time considering our own feelings, along with thinking about the future, family assets and arranging a funeral.
Though it can feel a little clinical and distant to consider the practicalities at such a time, it's a fact of life that they need to be dealt with. Getting organised can bring some relief and comfort.
There is no time more devastating than when your loved one is nearing the end.
However, in the depth of the sadness, there is a small golden light hiding away that gifts you the opportunity to open your heart in a way you may have never done before.
The final weeks or months of being with a loved one can be some of the most special moments we ever have. We have conversations that we've never had before, we ask questions we never thought to ask and we speak with a level of truth and love that we never usually do.
These moments can provide an opportunity to express love, share thoughts and feelings, and offer or receive forgiveness, which can bring a sense of closure and peace to both of you.
Being present during this time can help you gradually come to terms with the reality of their passing. It allows you to process your emotions in a supportive environment, where you can openly express your grief, fears, and hopes. This can ease the shock when the inevitable happens, as you've had the time to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself, even if just a little.
These final days or hours can be a chance to honour their life, to reminisce together about shared experiences, and to say goodbye in a way that feels right to both of you.
Being with your loved one as death draws near can gift you the opportunity of saying things you've always wanted to say, or in some cases, repairing relationships that may have been damaged when the course of life got in the way. There is no necessity to say anything, but reflecting first - maybe on your own or with another family member or friend - will give you time to approach some of the more difficult conversations with a sense of calm, consideration and care.
Although it can be profoundly difficult, these conversations can affirm the bond you share, provide reassurance, and leave you with a sense of peace knowing that nothing important was left unsaid.
How do you even begin to articulate the life-changing complexities of a relationship, however long or short, at the end of life? Here are some helpful tips to help you find the right words:
Creating special moments with a dying loved one can be a profoundly meaningful way to prepare for their death.
These precious moments allow you to focus on love, connection, and shared experiences, rather than the inevitable pain of impending loss.
By crafting these memories, you create a lasting legacy of joy, love, and comfort that will remain with you long after they are gone.
Here’s why it matters:
When planning these moments, think about what your loved one would find meaningful. Consider their interests, passions, and what has brought them joy throughout their life. You might also ask them directly, offering choices that take into account their current energy levels and comfort.
We’ve put together some examples to give you inspiration at a difficult time.
These special moments help you both focus on the love that remains, rather than the loss that is coming. They allow you to say goodbye in a way that is full of love, connection, and meaning. When the time comes to part, these memories can bring immense comfort, knowing that you spent your last days together creating moments that truly matter.
It may feel like the most difficult thing to do, but being with your emotions and feeling how you really feel is one of the most important things you can do during this time. It's natural to feel grief, to feel low and to feel sad.
It's natural to feel anxious or fearful. You don't have to be ashamed of feeling this way. Distorting how you really feel will only lead to inner conflict and further frustration. Instead, be compassionate for yourself, and where you can, talk with others about your experience.
By acknowledging and accepting these emotions, you give yourself the space to heal, rather than bottling up feelings that may resurface later in more intense or harmful ways.
According to an article from Psychology Today accepting negative thoughts and emotions can be beneficial for your overall well-being in both the short and long term. Bobby Hoffman, Ph.D., writes:
“Studies have shown that people who are more inclined to accept their mental experiences generally tend to have better mental health. This includes fewer symptoms of mood disorders like depression or anxiety (Feldner et al., 2003). Surprisingly, this positive effect of acceptance isn't just seen in clinical settings but also among those who aren't seeking treatment for mental health issues.”
Taking the time to sit with your emotions can also prepare you mentally and emotionally for what lies ahead. It’s natural to want to push away painful feelings, but doing so can delay your healing process. By facing your emotions head-on, you allow yourself to process the reality of the situation, which can help you come to terms with it in a healthier way.
During such a significant emotional experience, it’s important to give yourself the time and space you need to grieve. Taking time off work can be an important step in this process, as work demands can distract from the emotional work of grieving, making it harder to fully process your feelings.
By stepping away from daily responsibilities, you can focus on being present with your emotions and taking care of yourself during this difficult time.
This time off also allows you to engage in activities that support your well-being, such as spending time with loved ones, seeking support from a therapist, or simply resting. Grieving is a personal journey that requires patience and self-compassion, and allowing yourself time away from work can be a vital part of that journey.
Sometimes it's not easy to be all alone, by yourself, in a whirlpool of emotions. Sometimes you need to have a sounding board, a comfort blanket or someone to help you with any care you may be providing for a loved one.
Having a support network set up around you will help you to remain yourself through this most difficult time. People who can help you with your day-to-day activities, provide you with emotional support, or help you share the load can be invaluable.
Grief can be overwhelming, and shouldn’t be experienced alone if you can help it. Having a circle of people to lean on can provide emotional comfort, practical assistance, and a sense of shared strength. This network can consist of family, friends, professionals, and even community resources, all of whom can play different roles in supporting you.
In addition to friends and family, professional support can be invaluable. This might include:
When discussing death with your support network, it’s important to be open and honest about your needs and feelings. Here are some compassionate ways to approach these conversations:
It can be very helpful to know what to expect when a loved one is receiving end of life care. There are a number of common symptoms that occur, including coolness, shallow breathing, urine decrease and fever, and by being aware of these symptoms it may lead to more clarity and less confusion on your and your loved one's behalf.
Asking the doctor or a medical professional about the condition of your loved one will give you an idea of what to expect and you may even want to research for yourself.
A medical professional may also be able to give you some information on how to ease the suffering for your loved one, signs to look out for in regards to imminent death, and provide with you some tips on how best to look after yourself during this difficult time.
You may even want to broach the subject of palliative care, especially in those cases where the care may be too complex to bear.
Learning about your loved one’s condition is a vital step in preparing for their death. It helps you understand their care needs, anticipate what to expect in the coming days or weeks, and take the necessary steps to ensure both their comfort and your own emotional readiness. While this process can be challenging, being informed can also bring a sense of control and peace as you navigate this difficult time together.
Every condition is unique, and understanding the specifics of your loved one’s illness can help you provide the care they need. By learning about their condition, you can:
The time may come when you want to broach the subject of palliative care, especially in those cases where the care may be too complex for those without medical training.
Palliative care focuses on providing relief from the symptoms and stress of a serious illness. Its purpose is to improve quality of life for both the patient and their family. Learning whether your loved one would benefit from palliative care is an important part of preparing for their death.
As your loved one’s condition progresses, it’s natural to wonder what the future holds. While every situation is different, there are some common experiences you might expect:
Learning about the grieving process can be a crucial part of preparing for the death of a loved one. Grief is a natural response to loss, and understanding what to expect can help you navigate this difficult journey with more self-compassion and resilience. While no amount of preparation can fully shield you from the pain of loss, being aware of the grieving process can provide comfort and a sense of direction as you move through it.
Everyone experiences grief differently. The way you grieve will depend on various factors, including your relationship with the loved one, your personality, and the circumstances of their death. So, remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Grief usually comes in waves: Grief is often described as coming in waves. Some days you may feel overwhelmed by sadness, while on other days, you might feel a bit more at peace. These fluctuations are normal, and recognising them can help you be more patient with yourself as you experience different emotions.
Common stages of grief: While grief is not a linear process, many people go through certain stages, as outlined in the 5 stages of grief model. These stages include:
It’s important to note that not everyone will experience all of these stages, and they may not occur in a specific order.
There can be physical as well as emotional reactions: Grief doesn’t just affect your emotions; it can also have physical manifestations. You might experience fatigue, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, or even physical pain. Emotionally, you might feel sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt, or even relief, especially if your loved one was suffering.
Grief can be long-lasting: Grief doesn’t have a set timeline. While the intensity of grief often lessens with time, the sense of loss may remain. It’s normal to continue feeling grief for months or even years, especially on anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays. Understanding this can help you be patient with yourself and avoid unrealistic expectations about “getting over” the loss.
While grief is deeply painful, knowing that it’s a natural and necessary process can provide a sense of guidance and support as you move through it, ultimately helping you find healing and peace.
Although financial matters might seem like an insensitive topic at such a difficult time, the subject of inheritance is something that needs to be discussed while your loved one is still alive.
Most people have a will, but if this is not the case, you will need to have a conversation together with your nearest and dearest to discuss which assets go where. Assets aren't always financial — there may be something really special that you'd like to keep. Plus, assets and financial savings can be used to help pay for the funeral, and this is why these discussions are so important.
For formality, you will need to talk to a lawyer, a financial adviser or an asset manager too, just to make sure there is no debate when the time comes.
Many of us now have an idea of what we want our funeral to look like, and while you have time with your loved one, you can speak about this with them to get an idea of what type of funeral they want. You can also speak to them about the idea of a funeral plan, where they can detail exactly what funeral they would like and how they can secure their future. By getting a funeral plan or funeral arrangements in place, you and your loved one can rest assured that when the time comes, everything will be taken care of and there will be no unnecessary and added stress.
If your loved one needs care, setting up funeral cover ensures that they'll be taken care of by the provider you've selected if they pass away when you can't be there.
If you think discussing their death might be distressing, you don't have to tell them about the plan. However, you will need financial power of attorney if you plan to use their money to pay for it.
View our funeral plansBelow are a few more resources that may help when it comes to anticipating a death and a downloadable checklist which has everything you need for when the time comes.
Here at Distinct Cremations, we have created a free checklist for you to download which lets you know what you need to do when someone dies.
Download our checklist below or speak to our expert team on 01543 211997 today.
Download free checklist
Anticipatory grief is an experience many of us go through when we know a loved one is coming to the end. But there are ways to manage anticipatory grief and there is support out there.
Anticipatory grief
It's never a nice feeling thinking about your own death, but most of us have plans regarding what will happen to our estate and what will happen at our funeral.
Preparing for your own death
Whether you're planning for yourself or someone else, funeral plans are worth considering as they allow you to cement the funeral arrangements at a less stressful time.
View our funeral plansWe offer the highest level of support, but don't just take our word for it. Below are recent reviews from customers who bought a funeral with us.
Oak Tree Court, Brookfield Drive, Cannock, WS11 0JN
